Lets talk about marriage
Long term partnership and how to stay with them.
In two weeks my husband and I will have been married 10 years and together 22 yearsđ±! Guys that means we have been together over half of our lives so far! Iâm so proud of US and how far we have come from when we 1st starting dating as kids in high school till now. Wow what ride itâs been đ
I often get asked how are you guys so âperfectâ how do you make it work⊠etc? And before I answer this question Iâll say this friends WE ARE NOT PERFECT; we are not perfect in any ways whatsoever so please stop putting our relationship on a pedestal.
Are we a power couple YES! Have we jumped some crazy hurdles YES, have I thought maybe this is too hard before- yes⊠have we ever gave up NO! We are humans too, ones who chose to work hard everyday to make the best out of our lives WITH each other! Itâs possible to be forever if your committed to each each other, challenging the impossible and pushing each other daily, to grow with each other and support each other along the way. And when I say challenge thatâs exactly what I mean! Being in a long term relationship is one of the hardest roles ever to taken on. And I can honestly say I have no regrets just like parenting these relationships are worth it! From dating to marriage to infertility, children, children with special needs, breastfeeding, postpartum depression and anxiety, losses⊠so many losses, job/career changes, and all the other things life throws at us no matter what we come out stronger every-time.
Today I want to share a few things I have learned along the way. Some of this is just learn as you grow and glow, some is wisdom shared by other leaders, mentors, coaches and podcast I listen too. Regardless this is all valuable information I feel is necessary to share.
So first off, what is your role in the relationship⊠who is more masculine who is more feminine -this does NOT mean male and female! In our home my husband is for sure more in the masculine energy âmost of the time, I however am a boss babe and love to play in that energy as well. But Iâm ok with taking that hat off. Iâm ok with staying home (work from home) and that he makes way more money, that he physically works way more hours at a job then me. ( but I equally bust my ass everyday doing ALL OF THE THINGS đ”âđ«) And he in return is ok with the fact that I make less, I am home, that I take care of the kids and him by keeping food in the house and on the table, clean clothes in their drawers (or maybe out of a basket đ§ș đ- they eventually make it to their drawers right đ I keep the schedules and know who is where at all times of the day.
I make the medicine, I provide comfort and healing. Mom is the go to for everything and they all know this in my home, sometimes itâs a curse but I truly know itâs a blessing to be needed and loved by so many.
I however love to live in my feminine, this role is in charge of the feelings, expressing emotions, being in flow with nature, BEing love and the safe space for all to come knowing they will find comfort. Iâm the book nerd who loves to learn, research and know it all, I love to go down rabbit holes and push the limits to what we think we know. He is the do-er the fixer⊠wants to solve all the problems, this is also one that I struggle with because I donât always want him to fix it, I just need him to witness it with me FOR me⊠and that is hard for him. He likes to be in control but so do I (another place we can struggle in is passing that torch back and forth) Giving up control is so hard for me⊠but I always try my hardest to trust him and typically he donât disappoint. I love to play, but with structure in my days, He likes to do whatever whenever drop everything and go, when Iâm like wait no I wasnât prepared for this lol! He pushes me out of my comfort zone so damn much. In the moment many times I hate him for this but majority of the time I love him after for getting me to do the things I donât want to.
I do my best to express my needs, wants and desires to him and even more to myself. Which brings me to the next point
*Loving yourself and taking care of
Yourself! This is the #1 thing you must learn to do for you and not for anyone else. If we are not showing up for our ourelves how can we expect anyone to take on that role for us?. If we donât know what we want./. How can they? đ€
I here women say often âwe have been together so long he should just know by now!â Wrong men do not work this way! They must be told and possibly over and over again, but in a respectful way not a nagging way. We must teach ourselves these things so he can see this and want to be part of this happiness and frequency we are giving off. Itâs addicting when you raise the bar⊠they will elevate with you đđŒ
When your happy and in flow everything in your life will take suite with you. Your business your relationships and more.
Being in alignment is key to success in all areas of life âïž
So ask your self, do you know what your needs or desires are? Do you know what you want. And not from anyone else.. remember this is about YOU!
And If you are in a relationship are you able to communicate this with your partner?
If not find away!
My husband is not as open and responsive in the way of communication but he tries so hard and I understand it is hard for him⊠but if no one speaks up everyone is left feeling unseen unloved, unheard and this is how marriages fall apart.
Did you know women are typically the ones who will file for divorce. For these exact reasons! Use your voice ~ Find a way! If you canât express the change you need donât expect it to fix itself!
For me when I canât get my husbands attention and my heart chakra is full of emotions I write him a letter. It may be supper old school but it works for me! He knows if he sees one of these itâs serious and I have a lot to say! Sometimes for me itâs easier for me to journal my feeling 1st then talk to him. When we just start spewing all the frustration, things come out wrong and it may be taken differently then you intended it to be. And even worse letting it all out soon as the other one walks in the door from work it feels like nagging to them.:. Not a turn onâŠ
Even I myself am guilty of this one. I wait all day to talk to him and some days it just flys out. I work on this daily!
Instead of this try to understand what you now know and find a better time! Explain you need to talk and schedule a time, especially if you have kids, everything becomes scheduled even sex sometimes đ€·đ»ââïž
You want to respect him 1st and understand his role as well as yours. Hold space for him as you expect him to do for you.
Remember ladies we hold the key to our lives and our relationships. We are the one who says âyesâ, yes to be their girlfriends, âyesâ to marry them. We have to say yes to make this happen or we wouldnât ever get here. We have the power to make this relationship the best possible outcome for you both. But you have to do the work! Even when itâs hard../ you must show up and love yourself so he can love you back!
When we are in our feminine we are magnetic đ§Č, so fucking powerful! Thatâs why women are so feared, that goddess energy is the dopest! When you get there you will know!
Men love to feel needed and appreciated. Let them FEEL this and I promise you will see a change.
Allowing ourselves as the feminine to continue and soften especially when
we ourselves are working women with a drive and passion to live our own dreams-this can be hard for a lot of us women. Iâm a Scorpio, I like passion, intensity, emotional support, acts of love. Heâs a Capricorn, heâs work drivin, never stops doing something, always on the go, a morning person and the most humble man you will ever meet.
We the feminine in the relationship have to learn to switch that masculine role off when they get home and let them be in charge. Let them have some control and allow yourself to receive. Men love to please women! They just genetically DO! They love to be praised( but so do I!) they love to know when they please you how to please you and that they are doing a good job trying!
Women are not as easy to please. Personally I know I can go from happy to sad to pissed, to living my best life all in one day. I am a very emotional being. Being a empath I tend to feel things pretty heavy most days and for that itself I can be handful to please. I totally know this! My husband is a saint đđ»ââ
So homework:âŠ. what is it that makes you happy?. Do you even know what you like?⊠start here. Journal down some thoughts that pop into your head. Even if they sound weird⊠or you would feel uncomfortable saying them out loud. Start here and see how it feels to just write it down. For me this helps get those juices flowing so I can then communicate it with my partner.
And then what are some ways you can implement these in to your week?. How can you make yourself happy this week.
For me this week as Iâm writing this would be to slowwww down đ„±. My moon cycle should be starting soon and that is the perfect time to rest and retreat. Man what id do for a red tent get away đ©ž
Anyways maybe this looks like saying No for you; maybe itâs saying honey thanks for asking me to go on a walk with you and kids tonight but Iâd rather stay home and take a bath, I need some time to myself. Saying this đđŒ is OK! In fact the more you express what you need the more they will start to pick up on these things and maybe down the line it would sound more like â honey Iâm going to take the kids for a walk, why donât you stay in and do some self care, I know you deserve it. đŠ that right there is HOT! Right ladies⊠am I right?.. I LOVE WHEN HE OFFERS ME TIME TO MYSELF with OUT feeling guilty for needing it! I crave time alone, itâs nothing against anyone itâs just what I need to fill my cup. When your the wife, the mommy, the boss, the caretaker the lover and the healer we need to refill our tank just as much as we work hard to full others if not MORE! Your cup has to be full 1st so you can spill over to your family and your business. You canât have a successful life with a unhappy soul!
You canât be the best you if you donât take care of you like you NEED to be! Embrace what you need, eat the cake, love yourself, wear the shorts!
Hard truth stop expecting this feeling to come from anyone else but yourself! Itâs sucks to admit but there is no love that will save you⊠it will help you, it will guide you.. it may even feel like he/she completes you⊠but that is also codependency! I struggle with this one personally, I need him to fill me up some times when Iâm to weak to do it myself and when he donât
( because Iâm not telling him I need that) then I hold resentment and take it out on him and the kids. Not fair I know, but itâs happens and I am working on it.
So thereâs another question to ask yourself.. Are you putting pressure on others around you to make you happy, or are you working on you so you can feel that happiness from within ?
In all honesty itâs not about working on your marriage, itâs about working on YOU! When Your in alignment your marriage will be too!
So take some time and reevaluate your roles, how you communicate, who does what in the home and how you can bridge the gap of assuming each other gets it! Because we DONâT! We all know where assuming gets you. Never assume your wife is happy and ok in your marriage; women are masters of disguise. Ask them! Ask if there is any way you can help lighten their load. Ask how you can support them.
Show up and try! Even if she does it better (like the dishes or laundry) know the act of just trying is so much more than we typically express!
At the end of the day no matter what I know my partner loves me⊠I find comfort and joy in his arms. Our life is full of sticky crazy rides, some days Iâm barely hanging on by a tread⊠but most days Iâm truly happy and a huge part of that is because of YOU!
I love you Eric Michael with all my heart ty for always showing up for Me so I can continue to show up for myself đ«¶đŒđ«¶đŒđ«¶đŒđ«¶đŒ
#happywife #happylife #happy spouse #happyhouse #together we have it all â€ïžâđ„
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